I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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