I wish I could punch you in the face.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
