omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
