You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I want is dick and wine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize