We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
