Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
