I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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