i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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