i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
