you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
