meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
