also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize