Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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