oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
