Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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