dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
