I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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