Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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