she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
