note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't notice because vodka
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
