I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
