Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize