She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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