oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
