I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
