Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
