Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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