Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
