Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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