The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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