I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize