definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
