I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this will be a night to untag.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize