I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
