FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
