based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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