This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
