is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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