Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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