So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
