Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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