Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
