And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She needs sedatives and a leash
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My feet surprised me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
