If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize