I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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