that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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