If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
