just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize