If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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