i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
