Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
