What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
