Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
