if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize