Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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