i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ok first of all what the fuck
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