I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
