Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
