can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
