We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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