Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
