some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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