Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
