is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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