I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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