used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
