Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
