Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
