Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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