I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
