wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
