Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
