Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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