I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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