fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
