first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
