I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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