..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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