I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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