I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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