oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
