Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
