Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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