I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
