i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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