He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
