I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
