she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
