turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
