"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
