dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
