He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
