I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
