i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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